Friday, May 04, 2007 1:35 AM
for some reasons, i've been feeling emo these days.
and even though it's all over already,
i still feel like staying in this emo mood.
when i get emo, i like to write alot of stuff.
that's when all my inspirations come.
and actually, i feel happy when i emo.
sounds so oxymoron right.
but after writing all those stuff,
i'll look at myself and say something like
"good job lyn."
i know it sounds so wrong,
but i get a sense of achievement out of writing something depressing.
now that there's nothing much to emo about,
i feel quite lost about life again.
where is my next direction?
ohyah.
did i mention that one of my ex-classmate told my eyecandy that she didn't really like me back in secondary school due to blah blah blah.
i don't know what the blah blah blah is lah.
but all i know,
i feel .. sad, and pathetic.
sigh.
i swear i've tried.i tried so hard,but it's just so unattainable.you know, i think i realised something about myself these days.
i do not have a personality.i mean, seriously.
it hit me hard, when i was trying to find out more about this person.
it's like, i always behave in a manner that will please the person i'm hanging out with.
i'm also trying so hard to please.
so freaking hard that it tires me out,
but yet i never stop.
maybe the reason as to why i never stopped
was because i didn't know how to stop.
i don't even have my own personality.
my personality is to make people around me happy,
at all costs.
what kind of personality is that?
i mean, of course i have my own values and mindset.
but to the best of my ability,
i naturally and instinctly would try to make people around me happier.
maybe that's not what others think about me.
but truthfully,
that's what i am.
but!
i'm only human.
i fail too.
no one can fully understand why,
but there are definitely people who fully misunderstand everything.
forget it.
i just hope that i don't create any more new 'enemies',
or even people who dislike me.
i really hope my 3 years in temasek polytechnic
to be the best years in my life yet.
i wanna give my best,
whether is it to play, serve, learn.
whatever it is,
i wanna give my best,
just for once.
i wanna feel what it's like to give everything.
though.
i think i'm not ready to fall.
to trip over failures,
over bad comments and judgements of me.
but i hope i'm ready to stand up once again if i ever fall.
people's opinions and impression of me has always been my weakest spot.
and that's why, i believe,
i'm most vulnerable, no matter how strong a front i may put up.
nevermind, i think.
i know my friends will be just by me. (:
like hiro, jack, grace, emily, claudine, and some others.
thanks guys!
for always being my source of solace and motivation. ;)
-hugs.
give your best in everything you do,cause that might just be the last thing you can achieve.
